There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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