Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
