You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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