Sober January is a disaster.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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