They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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