Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
