i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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