Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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