i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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