I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
