so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
