What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
