I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize