This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
