If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
