Don't make out with my wife yet
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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