my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
