i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
