the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
