Dual....:-)
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
