i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
