they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
