i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize