I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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