Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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