have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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