so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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