I looked at my own cervix.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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