I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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