Got a toothbrush?
return my video game
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
