hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
