Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
