the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
