I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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