I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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