Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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