can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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