If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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