Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
