Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
