what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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