Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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