i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
