They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
