too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
