wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
