Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize