it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
