Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
