my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
