why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
