so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize