Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
