I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it hurts more in the daytime
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
