Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
