Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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