Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
