I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize