I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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