first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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